Why am I writing this? Because I wanted to write somewhere that technically anyone could read it, but realistically no one will. I am writing this because I have so much to get off my chest and have no one I can tell it to. And I don’t even care if I end my sentences in prepositions.
Tonight, I’m really feeling that I don’t *really* have anyone I can talk to about anything, and that no one can *really* talk to me about absolutely anything. It’s not that no one would listen to me, or that I wouldn’t listen to anyone else, but rather that I don’t know if there’s anyone I can open up to. Perhaps I could text at least one person about anything, but she’s probably asleep and it would be way too weird to text someone I’m the middle of the night about your huge issues, especially if they have stuff to do in the morning and you don’t want to put them in such an awkward position at 5 am. Plus, what kind of catharsis its texting supposed to provide, anyway?
I promised myself that this would be long and that I would just say everything, so I am currently stopping this almost pointless sentence.
I am supposed to be giving the talk tomorrow night at Young Life, but I really don’t know how I’m supposed to do that. I was having so much trouble coming up with ideas and I asked my mom to help me come up with some. I know shew was trying to help, but she kept going on and on about an idea that I’d already said I wouldn’t use. This wouldn’t really be a problem because she was trying to give context about what kind of thing would possibly be useful from her idea, but she completely distracted me when I was getting close to coming up with an idea.
I feel like everyone has abandoned me.
Anyway, this greatly irritated me because it completely derailed me more every second and I could not get her to stop.
It’s as though everyone who I thought I could count on to talk to had decided at the same time that it’s better to ignore me than to put up with all of the probably annoying things that I do or say. And, of course, it’s right when I really need them more than any other recent time that I can think of. No explanation, no responses. I feel foolish for having previously thought that perhaps things were starting to look up a but more, despite not doing as well as I feel I should in school. I feel life will always be helpless and alone; stuck apart from everyone I know. Good night, for now.
Edited for spelling. Also, know that this is stream of consciousness and jumps around so back to back sentences/paragraphs may not be related.